"Complete the Classic"
Complete this holiday classic
YOUR way.

"The stockings were hung
By the chimney with care
In hopes that
____________________"
December 2010
Winner: George N.
November 2010
Winner: Jesse K.
"Limerick Last Line-Thanksgiving"

As dish after dish was passed by,
Our hostess chirped "Save room for pie!"
I looked at the spread,
Took a deep breath and said
"____________________________"
October 2010 Winners:
Andy R., George N.,
Jerry S., and Liz M.
"Halloween Candy" Haiku Contest

Write a haiku referencing both candy and
one of the costumes shown in the prize
photos; Witch, Ghost, Cat or Devil
"We know SOMEONE
is going to say it..."

Be the first to make the
obvious comment.
(In this case, it was any
reference to "booty")
September 2010
Winner: Natasha W.
A NOTE ABOUT OUR SILLY CONTESTS
They are intended to be just that; silly.  They are not writing competitions.
Even when the requirement for contest entry is writing something,
those entries are not judged and winners are not chosen based on quality
of submissions.  Winners are determined either by random drawing or,
in the case of the "We know someone is going to say it" contests,
how quickly someone can be the specific smartass we're looking for.
January 2011
Winner: John D.
"Finish the Bad Joke"
Finish this classic bad joke YOUR way.

"It was really cold here last night."
"HOW COLD WAS IT?"

"It was SO COLD,
_________________________"
"Rewrite the Classic"
Rewrite this classic couplet YOUR way.

THE ORIGINAL:
'Roses are red, violets are blue,
sugar is sweet, and so are you'
February 2011
Winner: Bruce M.
March 2011
Winner: Trudy H.
"Going Green"
Haiku Contest

Write a haiku that references
both alcohol (the Haiku Stew
topic for March 2011) & the
color green in some way.
April 2011
Winner: Jennifer M.
"The Joker's Wild" Hypothetical Prank Contest

Create a hypothetical April Fool's Day prank
that combines two or more of the following:

caramel, a duck, a pink feather boa, Stephen
Colbert, the Grand Canyon, shoelaces, a
werewolf mask, frozen blueberries, train
tracks, a megaphone, yellow paint, frog DNA,
the ghost of Emily Dickinson, novelty Post-its,
a brown paper grocery bag
May 2011
Winner: Liz M.
"What Women Really Want"
Mother's Day Coupon Contest

Sure, moms love breakfast in bed, but seeing
what you did to the kitchen to make that
breakfast happen can really dilute that positive
impact.  For this month's contest, put yourself
in a mom's shoes and tell us how you think
SHE would like this coupon to read:

"Mother's Day Coupon redeemable for
___________________________________
with no accompanying whining, eye-rolling
or sarcastic commentary"
June 2011
Winner: Paul W.
"What Do You Know?"
Fictional University
Contest

If your life were an institute
of higher learning,
what would it be called?
July 2011
Winner: Ron K.
The Haiku Stew topic for July was
Smoke & Fire.  For this contest, write a
haiku that references smoke or fire,
AND the color red, white or blue.
(You're welcome to use both smoke
and fire, and more than one color, your
haiku just needs to reference at least
one from each category.)
Red, White & Blue
Haiku Contest
August 2011
Winner: Rory J.
It's Wildest Dream Vacation
time.  You have one million
dollars and one month.
Where will you go, and what
will you do when
you get there?
"How I Spent My
Summer Vacation"
September 2011 - Winner: James L.
The Ultimate School Supply Contest

No. 2 pencils, for all their popularity, are
still referred to as No. 2, and that just
doesn't seem right to us.  If YOU created
the most popular pencil in the school
world, what would you call it?
October 2011
Winner: Paul W.
October 2011
Winner: Jesse K.
It isn't that Love Potions 1 through 8 didn't work.  
They just didn't work as Love Potions. No. 3, for
example, did nothing but gift the user with the
ability to determine the color of socks by touch.  
Handy when getting dressed during a power
outage, but not something most people want a
potion for.  What's your best guess as to what
one of the other potions might do?
Where
Are
They
Now?
ZOMBIE INVASION
Yes, it's happened.
The zombies are invading.
Fortunately, you're at a
hardware store when you get
the news.  You can grab one
thing.  What will it be, and why?
November 2011
Winner: John S.
The Story of My Life
Once upon a time during National Novel Writing Month,
I wrote an autobiography and called it
"Life on the Rocks with a Twist"

If you were to write the story of your life,
what would it be called?
Name the Reindeer

The average reindeer only has a lifespan of about 10 years.  
Which means Santa has obviously been getting new ones
and just recycling the names. Which is not cool.  Reindeer
are individuals and deserve to be addressed as such.

If you were naming a reindeer, what would you call it?
December 2011
Winner: Arthur W.
Shades of Gray
We know that very little in this world is black or white but, for
all the talk about shades of gray, they're still just referred to as
"shades of gray".  Obviously, there is room for improvement.
My personal favorite is "charred marshmallow".
What would you call your favorite shade of gray?
January 2012
Winner: Donna O.
February 2012
Winner: Gigi V.
Crazy Little Thing Called 'Love'
"Good things come in small packages"  "It's the little things
that matter"  And so on.  You've heard them all.  And they're all
true, when it comes to love, it really is about the little things.
For this contest, create the perfect Valentine's Day date. Money
is no object.  But everything about your scenario must fit in a
shoebox.
March 2012 - Winner: Emil C.
Mix It Up
For this contest, create and name a drink that
contains at least 2 of the following ingredients:
Absinthe, Celery, Chartreuse, Creme de Menthe,
Green Apple Schnapps, Green Tea, Honeydew,
Kiwis, Lemon-Lime Gatorade, Lemon-Lime
KoolAid, Lime Juice, Midori
April 2012 - Winner: Veronica V.
It's National... Something!
This is the photo I posted last month for National Cleavage
Day, a "holiday" I didn't even know existed until it was half
over.  It seems every day, week, and month is National
Something now.  So in honor of April being, among other
things, National Humor Month and National Stress Awareness
Month, we're going to make up our own holidays.  Pick a day
and a thing, and make it official.  I hereby dub April 17th
National Newcastle & Oreos Day. What's yours?